Modern Day Courtesy

    I saw a meme the other day that said, “The Onion is facing demise not being able to come up with ideas more ridiculous than reality.” The funny thing, is that it probably isn’t far from the truth. With times like these, I can understand why the multi-generational (elderly) walk around with dazed looks in their eyes. Anyway, today’s topic is modern courtesy. We no longer live in a society of Lords and Ladies, of knights and dragons; We now live in a society of managers and bosses, of keyboard warriors and internet trolls. In my observations, the beasts of discourtesy and disrespect have run rampant in our society. They have invaded our social media, our TV shows, the music we listen to, they have even invaded our cars, and our hearts; especially when we are waiting in line for our coffee on the way to work!

    I often find that discourteousness often spawns from haste, “Damnit, I only have an hour for lunch, why is this waiter taking so damn long for my food?!” And it would seem disrespect often spaws from self-righteousness. “Well it’s okay that I talked to them like that, because they deserved it. They think/act/talk differently than me.” We have ALL caught ourselves thinking these thoughts at times, we have ALL been in a hurry, or been mad at someone being disrespectful to us. I am promoting the strength to even still be courteous in this moments.

    Okay, let’s take a moment to reflect on our thoughts. And also take a breath. All this talk about discourtesy, brings memories of times I haven’t been the best at showing compassion; and also brings up memories of times people have been discourteous to me. I am a waiter in the service industry, and often a bartender. I have seen the worst in people, and experienced a lot of rude situations… But I have also seen the best in people. I have seen two people truly connect when they are out on a date. I have seen married couples laugh and enjoy time with their kids while they eat. I have seen students study for hours, ordering the bare minimum, just so they can compose their future with delicate keyboard strokes. I love being a waiter, because I have a plethora of opportunities to show compassion and grace to a populace. Being a waiter, I have a lot of power in the outcome of your day. I have plenty of chances to show great compassion in the face of great rudeness. And like good ole Bob said, “You gotta serve somebody.”

    So, how exactly do we go about being courteous in this world? Sure we can hold doors open for people, and not cut people off in our cars, use our DAMN BLINKERS! Too many people clearly don’t check their blinker fluid :) Anyway, what is courtesy? What is respect? I have my own opinions; respect is akin to the exact definition of namaste (the divine within me, blesses the divine in you), and courteousness is compassion in all actions, even in the face of adversity and opposition. Those are my interpretations, but I also reached out to the people in my life, and gathered their opinions. I also looked up the exact definitions from Webster’s and here is what I found…

“Courtesy - A behavior marked by polished manners or respect for others: courteous behavior.

Respect - A feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc, and should be treated in an appropriate manner.”

So, those are the exact definitions. But how do we apply this vague concepts? We can commit physical acts (open doors, etc) but that is only half the problem. How can we be courteous as a way of life? Well the answer, is of course love. I am talking about the unconditional love that stems from the flame inside all us. When our actions come from the place of unconditional love, it doesn’t take anything from inside us. And our best opportunities to display this love, is in interactions with our enemies. In sports combat, courteousness is displayed in good sportsmanship. We can be respectful in our speech (even if we disagree), we can be respectful in our listening, in our promise keeping, and plain just remembering that other people are humans too…

Here is what I asked my friends to respond to…

1)How old are you?

2)To you, what is being courteous?

3)What is showing respect?

4)What actions do others do to you, to show you courtesy/respect?

5)What could they do better?

Here are the responses I’ve received so far… And please, feel free to post your answers/thoughts/opinions in the comment bar below the blog.

Greg - “People can slow the *uck down so they understand before making false judgements that create greater levels of disrespect :)”

Matt - “Situational awareness goes a long way in this regard.”

Katie - “I immediately thought about being in the service industry and how showing courtesy/respect to guests is expected of us, whereas it is not expected of guests.  not saying guests are not respectful because the majority are! Just a different view of who is expected to show respect/courtesy in this day and age, and who is "supposed" to be respected? Is it everyone?”

Weslie - “People need to spend less time assuming things about others and spreading "gossip" and more time actually engaging in a conversation with the person they are talking about that they don't even really know. Too many people can't look someone in the eye and say "hi, I heard about you. I thought I would come and introduce myself and get to know you". The world would be a better place.”

Katie (another Katie) - “1. I'm 33 2. Courtesy is keeping others in mind with everything you do. 3. Looking ppl in the eyes when talking and being aware of manners in every situation 4. Time management with plans and keeping promises”

Melissa - “JUST BE KIND! It doesn’t matter who it is. Smile. Say hello. Be kind!”

John - “Respect, courtesy, decency, benevolence (the golden rule), are born, I believe, of the understanding that we are all the same star stuff. A gut level belief that no one is superior nor inferior to another.
Respect is about getting over the fact that we're human. Focusing on our beauties and forgiving our flaws. A prerequisite to harmony.
We don't have to respect a person's actions to honor and respect their right to be.”

PattyO- "How old are you? 66 To, you, what is courtesy? Being kind, always, even if it entails having to say something hard to someone else.  Try to say it kindly.  What is showing respect? Being kind, even if what they say is anathema to you. What actions do others do to you to show courtesy/respect? They are kind, even if they vehemently disagree with me.  What could people do better? Be kinder.  That's about it, Devin."

Melissa (a different one) - “48
Making eye contact, saying please and thank you. Being appreciative.
Making eye contact, showing deference to those who have experience.

Listen attentively. Mulls (not follows but considers) my advice.

We could all spend some time listening to other people.”

Thank you everyone for participating, for reading, and for being more courteous!

As Robert Kennedy said, “Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation.

Ta!